How to be Popular - Step 2: Understanding How People Think

Understanding How People Think

Always remember this next truth: People love to talk about themselves.

The vast majority of people really like to talk about themselves...a lot. This may seem a bit harsh and a bit unfair but it is very true. The truth is most people are not self-aware and do not realise that this is the case. I imagine most people have not sat down and thought to themselves ‘When I have a conversation with someone else, how often are my really listening to them and how often I am really thinking about how what this person is saying affects me?

We have all done it. A friend or a family member shares a fascinating story with you – like how they awkwardly bumped into an ex-partner on the train and was forced to have a civil but uncomfortable conversation with them until the next stop - and before they have even finished their story you have already thought about and remembered a time that something similar happened to you. You cannot wait for them to shut up and finish their story so you can tell them about it! We cannot help ourselves. In some ways, it is perfectly normal to think about how what someone is saying relates to our own lives and our tendency to want to respond by sharing a similar experience is a natural way of trying to relate to that person. But this little example confirms the fact that, for the most part, we are all generally self-centered people (entirely different to selfishness of course), even if we are not aware that we are.

This little bit of information is very useful and being aware of this fact can be very effective in making people like you. In fact, the rest of the steps are based around this notion. Understanding that people love to talk about themselves is your newest and most effective social tool to make people like you! So what can we practically do with this knowledge?

Practical Application:

Be a good listener! Simply allow people to share their stories with you and try to appear like you are interested even if what they are saying is really dull – it’s not dull to them. It is of course true that a person can feel particularly valued by a friend, or even an acquaintance, when they feel like they are being properly listened too and understood. When people begin to talk to you about themselves, do not interrupt them or think about how their story relates to something in your life. Simply listen and occasionally nod or acknowledge that you are still listening. Encourage them to continue and if you have heard what they have to say before – don’t tell them. Just act as though you are hearing what they are saying the first time.

Sometimes the temptation is very strong to interrupt – particularly if someone is showing you how to do something that you already know how to do. The urge to let them know, that you already know, is strong! Don’t! Instead let that person feel like they are showing you and teaching you. This is all about showing respect for a person – a great way to do that is through humbling yourself to hear their story, knowledge and/or advice.

So that's it! Step 2 done, give it a go this week and I can assure you, you will be more liked and more popular.

Ready for step 3?