Step 1: Control How You Are Perceived By Others
Did you know that it is possible to control how you perceived by others? How you are perceived is, of course, a significant contributing factor determining your popularity.
A lot people can make a great first impression completely naturally and unaware of what they are doing but there are others who fully know what they are doing and are using simple learned techniques that influence that first encounter.
Have you ever had a great boss at work or a really popular teacher at school? Well they were probably not popular by accident. ‘How to be influential’ courses have become very popular with boardroom directors and bosses in recent years to help them to motivate their work forces, but those principles can apply to everyday life too! So controlling perception is important in making people like you and here are some techniques and skills that you can use to high effect.
Appearing Confident is King!
The number one way to control perception of yourself is through how confident you appear to others. You may be thinking at this point, ‘well being confident is easier said than done. I am generally not a very confident person and I certainly do not feel confident’. Well, perhaps you do not feel very confident – but does that matter? Can people read your mind? No, of course they can't.
An important thing to remember, and I will expand on this later, is that people are generally very self-centred (not too be confused with selfish). Most people are too focused on themselves to really notice if you pretending to be confident or not. Besides, if you appear more confident, over time you will start to feel more confident. Having confidence is hugely important to how you are judged by others. So how can you be more confident?
Practical Application: How to appear more confident.
1. Eye Contact – Let's start with the toughest one. Maintaining eye contact. By looking someone in the eyes when talking to them tells that person that you are feeling comfortable about the situation. That you are happy to be talking to them and feel confident enough to handle a simple conversation. Eye contact essentially helps to build a connection between you and the other person. When making eye contact, swap from eye to eye occasionally as to not look like you are staring. Just the right amount of eye contact, will make you appear sure of yourself. Give it a go – in your very next conversation with someone, I want you to make sure you look them in the eye and be sure that you are the last to look away. Force yourself if you have too! Doing this maybe tough at first, but it will begin to feel more natural to you the more you practise it.
2. Smile! It's amazing how much a smile can do. Think about the last person you spoke to that had a big smile on their face. How did it make you feel? Happy, trusting even? How did it make you feel about that person – you probably liked them right? As they say, a smile doesn't cost you anything. Nobody likes to be around a person that is always miserable, that is always ready to grumble or moan about something. With a smile you can instantly, and without saying a word, tell everyone you speak to that you are not a person that is going to mentally drain them. The next person you see or speak to, smile at them and see what happens. Smiling makes you instantly more likeable.
3. Don’t mumble! Speak clearly and loudly but not too loudly! Taking the time to speak clearly and at a reasonable volume level will tell your listener again that you are comfortable in the situation. Mumbling and stumbling over your words can make you sound like you are not very sure of yourself, which may not be true, but that is how it will be received. This step can take a while to master, especially if you are a person that mumbles and talks quietly. But keep practising it and it will improve with time.
4. Body posture is also important. When chatting with someone whilst on a chair or a sofa, make sure you sit up straight! Slouching does not give you much of a presence. Also try not to fidget in your seat or twitch your leg or foot too often. By doing any of the above, you are projecting an image of nervousness. Sitting up straight and not fidgeting too much will make you appear confident.
5. Don’t be afraid to be the first person to say hello in an awkward situation. For example, if you walk into a room and it’s just you and another person, make sure you say hello and ask them a question – how are you doing? Mention the weather, anything. Just be the first to break the ice. The way someone responds to that greeting reflects on them and not on you. If that person is feeling nervous themselves, your confidence might help them to relax.
Follow those five points above and I assure you will appear confident, even if you do not feel it. This is the first step - why not try today?
Head on to Step 2 if you are feeling ready to continue!
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